Dear You,
If you're feeling like an imposter right now, I want you to pause and take a slow, deep breath. Come back to this moment.
You're not alone in this.
That nagging feeling that you're a fraud, despite all evidence to the contrary?
It's incredibly common (read: incredibly).
In fact, an estimated 60-85% of professionals experience this at some point. That's most people, wild, right?
So first things first: you're in good company. Tom Hanks, Lady Gaga, Venus & Serena Williams, they've all mentioned feeling this way. Plus probably your boss, your bestie, your teachers, those you look up to.
Let's acknowledge how you feel
Let's start by acknowledging how you feel without judgment.
Take a moment right now and notice. Keep coming back to your breath if it feels too much at any point, or step away. Can you give your feeling a name? If you can't name it, what do you notice about it? Be curious. Maybe it's a tightness, or a sensation somewhere in the body. Let's resist the temptation to make it 'good' or 'bad' (ie to pass judgement), just notice. Breathe.
There's often a part of us that's genuinely scared we might be found out as an imposter, and it would like you to start comparing to others and just crack on with working harder to reduce the 'danger'. Often, we have a temptation to run away from that part, either by falling into overworking or 'battling with it'; it feels like a civil war. It's okay to recognise that fear, without having to buy into it being true or it having to rule the roost. Accepting these feelings doesn't make them true; it just allows us to be gentler with ourselves.
You might find the work of Dr. Kristen Neff useful, on self-compassion. She offers a 7minute self-compassion break here. (And yes, being kind to ourselves does seem weird at first).
I wish someone had told me earlier in my career that feeling like an imposter doesn't make you one. It's an experience, not a personal flaw. It's so common that most people you admire have likely felt it at some point. Remember, your worth isn't determined by your achievements or others' opinions. We just live in a world that taught a part of us that it does. Time for some better conversations with that bit.
Often, these feelings stem from unrealistic expectations that we have internalised at some point. Many times these conclusions were drawn whilst we were a child. For example, a pressure that being 'enough' means we know everything - many of us went through a scoring system that graded and ranked us on percentages and marks.
Regulate Your Nervous System
When we feel fearful, our sympathetic nervous system is activated. Our body has activated systems to get us to run away from, or fight, the perceived 'threat'. Often, this can mean we lose access to the rational and logical part of our mind, the pre-frontal cortex.
The good news is that we can show our nervous system safety, and onboard the parasympathetic system to return back to rest & connect. This might be via the above compassion break, a short breath work exercise such as this belly breathing technique from headspace. Lots of other suggestions here from Calm. You might need to do this a few times, and curiously check back in to see how you feel afterwards.
Once you've taken a moment to regulate your nervous system and come back to this moment, let's be curious. Don't skip this regulation bit, it pays off, promise.
Let Me Remind You For One Moment
You are the only you on this planet. A unique, one off, wonderful human. There are nearly 8 billion of us on Earth, and we are all different. Different skills, different strengths, different quirks, different values, different experiences, different perspectives.
We have gone through a world where we've been taught that we are valuable because of the car we drive, the work output, hitting ever changing beauty standards, likes and views on social media, everyone liking us, grades in class etc. We are given stereotypes of how life should be, how we should show up and how we should act. If we don't hit that, we must be an imposter? But, according to who? Let's call it out.
So many times, we forget who we are. We keep chasing to prove it - to others and to ourselves. This is your invitation to exhale, relax and remember:
You are more than a job title, or the work that you produce, or the letters after your name. You were born enough. You are still enough. You get to meet yourself where you are.
That doesn't mean we can't grow and learn, gain skills, have challenges or go after opportunities. That doesn't give us the automatic right to never have to put effort in again if we want something. This isn't about saying "I'm enough and therefore I'm better than anyone else", it's saying "I'm enough, and so are you".
Let's Be Curious
Now, back to those beliefs we have been listening to that added to that imposter vibe.
Take a moment, and jot down any thoughts or worries that come up associated with your feelings of being an imposter. Do this only if it feels right, or discuss it with a professional if it feels too much.
This is a point to be curious, rather than judgemental. We don't need to decide if these thoughts are 'silly' or if we shouldn't think that, or if they're 'better' or 'worse' than anyone else's.
A phrase I love is "that's interesting!" rather than "I shouldn't think this way". These thoughts might be around our 'level' of qualification, things not having gone to plan, comparing to others, resistance to asking for help, opinions of others.
Writing things down helps us to 'create space' by seeing thoughts on paper, rather than swirling around in thought soup.
Let's dare to look at those thoughts. Even if they feel very true, what are some alternative opinions? What would you say to a friend? What might someone that you respect and trust say about this situation? What would you say if this was a loved one? What would you say if this was a stranger walking down the street? What would the most inspiring person you know say about this? We may as well examine a few different insights.
It's time to rewrite them with a more balanced perspective, examples might include:
1. Instead of "I should know everything," try "It's okay not to know everything. I'm committed to lifelong learning."
2. Rather than "I must do everything solo," reframe it as "Collaboration makes me and my team stronger. It's okay to ask for help."
3. Replace "I can't make mistakes" with "Mistakes are opportunities for growth. I learn from them and become better."
The important thing is that your re-frame feels at least part believable on some level. Can you have a different conversation with that inner critic and explain the new narrative? We can always tweak and refine it later.
e.g. Moving from "I don't know anything" to "I know everything and I'm wonderful" might seem a lot and create a sense of danger, meaning we don't accept it at all. Whereas, "I am learning more and more each week, and embracing being curious" might sit better.
You might like to write these new statements on sticky notes and place them where you'll see them daily.
Embracing a growth mindset can be incredibly liberating when navigating imposter feelings. Remember, your skills aren't fixed - but let me remind you, your inherent human value has always been a 10/10.
Carol Dweck's book "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" is a good one.
Quick fire strategies:
1. Regulate your nervous system: Take deep breaths and ground yourself. (See above)
2. Notice how you feel without judgment. (See above)
3. Journal your thoughts and feelings. (See above)
4. Reconnect with your values and strengths. You'll find tonnes of resources online to reconnect with what's important to you and to identify your strengths.
5. Seek support from people who believe in you.
6. Break big challenges into smaller, manageable steps.
7. Practice self-compassion.
8. Keep a record of reminders of your accomplishments, supportive messages from others, and these coping strategies.
It's also important to recognise that feeling like an imposter isn't solely an individual issue. We need to examine our workplaces and broader professional cultures. This is especially crucial for neurodivergent individuals and those from underrepresented groups, who may experience imposter feelings more intensely due to systemic barriers and lack of representation.
Hey, this is a reminder that you care
Real imposters don't experience the imposter phenomenon. They don't stay up at night wondering if they're qualified enough or not.
As you move forward, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself. Feeling like an imposter often means you care deeply about your work and want to do your best. But you don't have to carry the weight of impossible expectations.
Action: Set up a weekly check-in with yourself. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small, and reflect on your growth.
Next time these feelings arise, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that this is a common experience, not a personal failing. Ask yourself, "What would I say to a friend feeling this way?" Then offer yourself that same compassion.
Action: Write a compassionate letter to yourself as if you were writing to a friend experiencing imposter feelings. Keep it for those moments.
Remember, you're not alone in this. The world is full of incredible, caring individuals who sometimes doubt themselves. But your worth isn't determined by your achievements or others' opinions. You're valuable simply because you're you.
So let's make a pact. Instead of striving for an impossible ideal, let's embrace our authentic selves. Let's celebrate our strengths, acknowledge our areas for growth, and support each other along the way. Because when we step into our true selves, we not only empower ourselves but also give others permission to do the same.
You're not an imposter. You're a valuable, unique individual with so much to offer. And that's more than enough.
Final action step: Bookmark this page, or share it with someone who needs it. Return to it whenever you need a reminder of your worth and capabilities.
With warmth and belief in you,
Katie
P.S. If you're struggling with persistent imposter feelings that are impacting your daily life, don't hesitate to reach out for professional help.
P. P. S. If you're in vetmed, check out Vet Empowered too!