Stop Being So Hard on Yourself for Being Human

Here's a kind nudge you maybe need today

If you’re reading this, I’m going to make an educated guess that you’re someone who cares deeply. You want to do things well. You take pride in your work, in the way you show up for others, in the standards you hold for yourself.

You might even be someone who people describe as “the strong one.” Reliable. Calm. Kind. The person others turn to when things get difficult. Perhaps the world gave you the label it often gave me too, 'the high achiever.'

But maybe lately, things have felt a bit heavier. You’ve noticed that you’re more emotional than usual. Maybe you’ve snapped when you didn’t mean to, or felt inexplicably tired, or caught yourself thinking, “I should be coping better than this.”

And if that sounds familiar, I want to say this very clearly:Please stop being so hard on yourself for being human.

I have the privilege of speaking with amazing human beings every day in the veterinary profession and beyond - and often witness so much criticism of themselves for very human experiences.

We’ve been taught to believe that resilience means not feeling

So many of us have absorbed this quiet message.... that “resilient” people are bomb-proof. That success means being stoic, composed, and able to carry on regardless.

We’ve been sold the idea that if we’re strong enough, we won’t feel things deeply because you're so iron-clad that they don't bother you.

I know I certainly concluded once in the past that emotions were distractions to be managed and silenced, rather than signals to be heard.

But resilience isn’t the absence of emotion. It’s the ability to feel what’s real, meet it with compassion, and then find your footing again. And, yeah, we don't have to act on every emotion but let's honour them.

You don’t need to be emotionless to be effective. You don’t need to “power through” every hard moment. Sometimes the bravest, most productive thing you can do is stop, breathe, and admit, “this is a lot right now.”

Sometimes, things really are a lot

There’s a quote often attributed to the amazing Viktor Frankl that I come back to time and time again:

“An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is a normal response.”

We forget that so easily, don’t we?

When something big happens in life - loss, pressure, uncertainty, health worries, change - we expect ourselves to react as though it’s business as usual, as if the aim of response is to be unflappable. But the truth is, if something feels heavy, it’s probably because it is heavy. The judgement of how we feel suddenly becomes another burden to carry.

There’s no “correct” emotional response to a hard thing. There’s no prize for staying perfectly calm when life sideswipes you. Sometimes crying, feeling overwhelmed or tired is the most honest, appropriate reaction you could have.

Sometimes things feel like a lot, not because you can't cope or you're not resilient.... but because they are a lot.

Our bodies always tell the truth

One thing I see often in my coaching work (and have lived through myself - back pain, urgh) is how the body keeps score when we ignore our limits.

It might start as tension headaches, jaw clenching, disrupted sleep or back pain (mine always makes itself known there). For others, it’s skin flare-ups, stomach issues, fatigue. The body’s way of saying, “Hey, something’s off here.”

Managing stress isn’t just a “nice to have.” It’s an essential act of maintenance.The world often celebrates pushing through - but our nervous systems and immune systems don’t care about trophies. They care about safety, rest, and regulation.

So when we crash, or snap, or cry, it isn’t weakness. It’s feedback. It’s information.

What we resist, persists

It’s tempting to try to logic our way out of emotion. To say, “I shouldn’t feel like this” or “other people have it worse.” But all that does is push the feeling underground, where it waits until it finds another way to surface.

What we resist, persists.

The moment we can say, “Of course I feel this way - it makes sense given what’s happening,” we create just enough space for that emotion to soften, to give it a name and view it without judgement .We stop fighting ourselves and start caring for ourselves.

Self-compassion isn’t indulgent

Self-compassion gets a bad reputation sometimes, as if it’s fluffy or self-pitying. But actually, it’s the foundation of sustainable growth (and heavily science backed!). Believe me, I tried life with and without it, and I've gone much further (and had more fun) with. Yeah, it takes practice.

You can’t bully yourself into better mental health. You can’t shame yourself into peace.

Self-compassion doesn’t mean giving up or letting yourself off the hook. It means acknowledging the truth of where you are, without adding extra punishment on top.

And when you’re kind to yourself, you make wiser decisions. You reach for support sooner. You recover faster.

A story I often share

When my dad was dying in hospital a few years ago, I was driving to see him. My mum had asked me to pick up a large coffee on the way. I went to McDonald’s (don’t judge me, convenience, ok?), ordered, paid, and got to the window - and they handed me a small.

I told them it wasn’t right. They argued. I offered to pay the difference; they told me I’d have to drive back round. And I lost it. Told them to keep their coffees, revved the car and drove off furious. A few moments later I came back to the moment and realised how I'd acted.

And this was after I’d already been coaching, teaching, and running Vet Empowered.

We can have all the tools in the world and still have moments where we lose it.That doesn’t make us failures - it just makes us alive.

Sometimes those moments are nudges. Reminders that our emotional cup is full, that our capacity is low, or that something needs care.

Every single one of us has moments we’re not proud of. The angry words, the tears in the car, the deadline we couldn’t face. You’re not the exception; you’re the rule. The more we tell these truths, the more permission others have to exhale too.

You don’t need to earn rest

You don’t have to wait until you collapse to take a break. You don’t have to justify why something feels hard.

You are allowed to need time. You are allowed to feel. You are allowed to ask for help.

Whether that’s speaking to a counsellor (the BACP website is a good place to start if you’re in the UK), leaning on a trusted friend, or letting your workplace know you’re struggling - you don’t have to do it all alone.

Being human isn’t a flaw

This life will give you plenty of chances to practise compassion - especially towards yourself. And you will forget it sometimes. You’ll have moments where you react, doubt, or crumble a little.

That’s ok. Be compassionate about forgetting compassion. That’s the real practice.

You are not meant to be bomb-proof. You’re meant to be responsive, emotional, alive.

The world doesn’t need more numb, overworked humans pretending to be fine. It needs more people who can say, “This is hard, but I’m choosing to meet it with compassion.”

So if today you need permission to stop being so hard on yourself - this is it.

You’re not weak for feeling. You’re wise for listening.And sometimes, that emotion you’re trying to push away isn’t your enemy - it’s your body and mind gently whispering, “Pay attention.”

Real strength isn’t never breaking. It’s knowing when to pause before you shatter.

Real resilience is allowing repair, not pretending you never need it.

You were never meant to be a robot. You were meant to be human - and that’s more than enough.